


Enough

by Philip_The_Poet



Series: So Artfully Instilled [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: #protectjohn2k17, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecurity, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Random & Short, promise ring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 14:31:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11488326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Philip_The_Poet/pseuds/Philip_The_Poet
Summary: John just wants to be enough for Alexander.





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't as sophisticated as I was hoping the finished product would be, but it's pretty much just a string of thoughts, anyway. Enjoy!

_Enough_.

That was the goal.

To be _enough_.

John stared at the thing. Shiny. Silver. Wrapped around his finger, with that line from when it was resized facing away from him.

John stared at the thing.

He just wanted to be _enough_.

_"John," Alexander craned his neck to pull back from John's kiss with a lazy grin. "I've... Got..."_

_Laurens leaned back in with a smirk and pressed his lips to Alex's again._

_"John..." Alex sighed, more endearment than frustration. Despite John's efforts, Hamilton turned his head to glance back as he slipped a hand into his back pocket. "I've got something. It's not much, but..."_

_"Alexander..." John leaned down to meet Alex's forehead with his own. "You really don't need to get me things."_

_"Shh," Alex inhaled sharply, a surefire indicator of an imminent rant, speech, or declaration, "We've been together for six months."_

_John kissed Alex's cheek blissfully. "Mm hmm."_

_"So I figured..." Alex looked down and turned something over in his hand. "The promise part's out of the way, but there hasn't been a ring yet."_

_John's mouth dropped open into a subconscious gape. "A ring?"_

_Alex held his breath and lifted his fist. "Go ahead."_

_John carefully straightened Alex's fingers to reveal a simple silver ring in his palm. It was plain, save for the line indicating it had undergone a resizing at some point._

_"Here," Alex shook his head quickly, taking John's left hand and sliding the ring onto his finger. "I tried to get the size right..."_

_John blinked. "It's perfect."_

_"I think nothing could be as perfect as you," Alex smiled. He seemed to relax, his shoulders falling to their usual absentminded slump. "But I tried. I mean, I know we've been through it and you know everything the ring's supposed to be saying."_

_"I... Damn, Alex, I..."_

_"But I love you," Alex plowed on, "And I swear that I'll be around for you. I'll do whatever it takes, and I've already probably made a million mistakes, but I'll make the world safe and sound for you." He fiddled mindlessly with the ring on John's finger. "As long as I'm alive, John Laurens, swear to god you'll never feel so helpless."_

_John sucked in a breath. "I love you, too."_

_Alexander grinned, reaching up to kiss John one last time. "I used to think I'd never be satisfied."_

Shiny. Silver. Wrapped around his finger, with that line from when it was resized facing away from him.

_God_ , John just wanted to be _enough_.

Sure, so maybe they had been together for six months, and maybe logic would suggest that John's fears were absurd and irrational. But that wouldn't change anything. One day, Alex was going to wake up and meet someone who made him feel this helpless. He was going to meet someone who was confident enough to give him a ring first. He was going to meet someone who could satisfy.

And it was only a matter of time.

How could John Laurens be enough for Alexander Hamilton? Hamilton, the non-stop orphan, immigrant, self-starter who had admitted _himself_ that he would never be satisfied. How could John compete with fundamental dissatisfaction? Maybe _he_ loved every kiss, every word, every second, and every promise, but Alexander... That was likely a different story.

What was enough?

_Fuck_ , if John could just be enough. If John could be what Alexander needed and deserved and wanted and loved, that would be enough. They could be enough.

Could _he_ be enough?

It wasn't that John wasn't confident, exactly. For what it was worth, he liked to believe he was a pretty secure person. He had spent a year or two short of a decade learning to accept and appreciate who he was. He had stood up for the things he believed in time and time again. He had garnered perhaps the most trustworthy and tightly-knit group of friends he could have asked for. Hell, he had come out to Henry Laurens, of all people.

But it was only a matter of time.

John stared at that damn ring. It still looked so perfect on his finger.

He just wanted to be _enough._

_I swear that I'll be around for you._

John trusted Alex. And he was almost certain Alex meant it when he made his promises. And he was almost certain that this ring was everything it was supposed to be. But how the hell could John compete with fundamental dissatisfaction when he didn't even know what satisfaction _meant_ for Hamilton?

_As long as I'm alive, John Laurens, swear to god you'll never feel so helpless._

Alexander didn't know he'd already made a promise he couldn't keep. John was a talking, walking knot of constant conflict. Yes— Hamilton made him the happiest person alive. Every kiss, every word, every second, and every promise. All of it made him feel _beyond_ alive. But that fear was always there, that fear of what would happen on the day that he found someone better. Alex had always been bound to meet someone who made him feel this helpless. He was bound to meet someone who was confident enough to give him a ring. He was bound to meet someone who could satisfy.

John just fucking hoped that someone was him.

He just wanted to be _enough_.

_I used to think I'd never be satisfied._

John stared at his ring. Shiny. Silver. Wrapped around his finger, with that line from when it was resized facing away from him.

He just wanted to be Hamilton's someone.

He just wanted to be enough to keep him satisfied.

He just wanted to be _enough_. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are better than kudos, but I live and breathe for both! Thanks for reading. <3


End file.
